Why I’m Afraid of Falling in Love – The Most Common Causes
Although it sounds ironic, to begin to receive love and closeness can truly reach to terrify some people. There is a fear of falling in love and maintaining intimate relationships, which, in the most severe cases, can lead to physical symptoms such as tachycardia, nausea, sweating, dizziness and even the person suffering from it can go on to experience panic attacks. Sounds incredible, does not it?
In this DesiSoch article, we are going to help you answer your question ” Why am I afraid to fall in love? “. We will delve into where this fear of love comes from, what are the characteristics of people who are afraid of love, what are the consequences of suffering it, as well as some tips to overcome it. Learn To Recognize The 8 Signs That Prove His Love For You.
How to know if a person is afraid of love
Being afraid of love is usually more common than it seems and although most people like to be loved and offer love, there are others who simply reject and evade. This extreme fear of falling in love or love is called philophobia. In reality, it is not that the person does not want to feel loved because, in the end, it is what he most desires, but the desire he feels is equivalent to his fear of suffering and being hurt.
In many occasions, this curious phobia is generated because the person has experienced a traumatic past experience, such as a bad relationship in which he was betrayed, mistreated and/or used, creating an emotional barrier It allows you to let yourself live and experience the pleasure of love.
When a person is afraid of falling in love, he tends to adopt a series of typical behaviors. Some of them are the following:
- When they notice that the relationship with a person is getting closer, they inevitably begin to move away from it, to evade it, stop frequenting it and are indifferent towards that person.
- They fall in love with impossible people to convince themselves that they really want to love someone, but for one reason or another, it is impossible for them to start a relationship.
- When they are meeting a person, from the beginning they find defects(whether real or not) and focus solely on them.
- They establish relationships with people who are not related to them and in this way they end up confirming that love is not for them.
- They tend to create conflict with the couple in order that the other person decides to leave the relationship.
- They do not take the time to meet a person, with what they usually put pretexts like that they are very busy with work, they like to spend more time with friends, they do not care to know someone, etc.
Symptoms of a person who is afraid of love
People with philophobia or fear of love, really want to have that close emotional bond, as well as giving and receiving love. However, when they realize that this is about to happen and that they are beginning to feel something for that person, they immediately begin to experience anxiety and are assaulted by negative thoughts, which can even lead to certain physical reactions. , like the following:
- Stomach ache
- Panic attacks
Where the fear of love comes from
There are a number of factors that can influence a person suffering from philophobia or fear of love. Some of these factors are the following:
- Having lived past traumatic or negative experiences with other couples
- Fear of rejection that often has to do with an unresolved child issue where the child was not accepted by their parents.
- Fear of losing control of their lives, since they have a hard time adapting to changes, they are afraid that letting go and experiencing love will make them lose their freedom and personal autonomy.
- To find oneself in a society that increasingly promotes individuality.
- Having had little effective parents.
- Fear of commitment and the responsibility of having a life together because they can feel under a lot of pressure.
- Afraid of being abandoned
- Divorce of parents during childhood
- Have a low self-esteem, because they feel that they do not deserve that someone loves them and they always despise themselves, which also increases the fear of being abandoned.
What consequences can bring fear of love
The refusal of the opportunity to love can bring some consequences for the growth and emotional development of the person. Among them is missing the opportunity to have a new life experience, because even if it is positive or negative, all experiences are learned.
Another negative issue of refusing love is that it encourages the person to isolate himself more and more from others. You lose the opportunity to have people at your side of confidence that you can count on when you need it most, over time you lose the ability to share, not only in a couple but also in other intimate relationships such as friendship.
On the other hand, finding ourselves in one or several relationships helps us to increase our emotional maturity.
Tips to overcome the fear of falling in love
If you are a person who constantly asks “Why I’m afraid to fall in love” and you’re reading this article, it’s because you surely want to stop feeling it. Probably in the background, you would like to start having a relationship but you have not dared to take the decisive step to do it or you may find yourself in a relationship right now and be afraid to let yourself go and start experiencing love. That is why we have prepared a series of tips that if you take them to practice, they will help you to start overcoming that fear.
Recognize that you are afraid of love
This is the most important and often the most difficult step to start overcoming this fear. You have to dare not only to recognize that you are afraid to love and to receive love, but also that just as you fear it, you desire it. You want deep down to be loved and accepted by someone else, but you are so afraid that even you can make yourself believe that it is not like that. Dare to take this step because this way you will begin to feel better about yourself for the fact of sincerity, which does not make you weaker but quite the opposite.
Identify your defense mechanisms
The defense mechanisms are those that you put yourself to protect yourself and in this case evade all contact with another person that may imply greater closeness and intimacy. For example, one of the defense mechanisms used by people who are afraid of falling in love is to say to themselves and others that they are not interested in having a relationship, that they are very well without a partner or that they do not want to complicate life. thus they are more than happy. Another could be that every time they meet someone new, they begin to see defects and in that they hide to stop dating that person. The 8 Types Of Men Every Woman Should Avoid. Guys Not To Date List.
Also, as we saw earlier, there are people who come to have a relationship but who already in it do everything possible to end up failing or those who spend too much time at work or with friends and “do not find” the moment to go out with someone. Identify which defense mechanism you most often use to evade intimacy and closeness. Think of some specific situations and analyze them so you can help identify them.
Modify your behavior and thoughts
After having identified the defense mechanisms that you use most frequently, make an effort to modify those thoughts or behaviors that do not allow you to give yourself the opportunity to let yourself feel and change them for more constructive ones. For example, if the defense mechanism that you use the most is to find defects in the people with whom you leave, you can change your strategy and focus more on its virtues.
As well as telling yourself more realistic things like: “people do not know them so quickly”, “we all have defects and virtues”, “no one is perfect”, “I can not judge someone barely knowing him”, etc. Another case may be, for example, if you spend a lot of time with your friends and work and do not give yourself time to meet someone, you can start to better organize your time and give priority to people with whom you can have a possible relationship.
Focus on the present moment
Remember that all fears are generated by situations that are not happening in the present moment as they are concerns about the future. That intense fear you have is triggered by your own thoughts about what may or may not happen. Think that at this moment nothing is happening and surely the moment you start dating someone either, stop focusing on what you think will happen. Nobody really knows what will happen in the future, learn to live life moment after a moment because only then you will be able to taste it and enjoy it to the fullest.
Give yourself the opportunity to try
Allow yourself to experiment and dare to live a feeling as pleasurable as love. Think that if things with that person go right or wrong, in the end, what matters is having lived it, having gained another experience for your life. Do not stop giving yourself the opportunity to share with another person, to love and feel loved, you can not deprive yourself of one of the most extraordinary sensations that exist.
Last but not least, mention that in case your fear of falling in love is so intense and you have the feeling that you may be more than you or that you simply would like to receive external help to be able to overcome it. Do not forget that psychotherapy can help you and is effective to overcome all kinds of phobias and also help you increase and improve your quality of life.
This article is merely informative, On DesiSoch we do not have the faculty to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your case in particular. If You Make These 10 Mistakes, You Risk Running Away From Your Partner.
If you want to read more articles similar to Why I’m afraid of falling in love – the most common causes, we recommend you enter our category of Sentimental Relationships