How to Deal with Selfish People: Whether in love, in friendship or in one’s professional circle, it is difficult to juggle the personality of a selfish individual. Autocentric, sufficient and lacking in attention, this character can be hard to manage on a daily basis. Here are some tips that will help you better understand this type of personality.
What is a selfish person?
Founding its roots in the Latin “ego” which means “me” or “I”, egoism is defined by the propensity of an individual to think only of himself, without making much of feelings or evil that it can generate in others. Whether it is to succeed professionally, to dominate one’s spouse, or to manipulate one’s friends, the egoist takes pleasure in smashing others with self-satisfaction to achieve his ends. The primary goal of the egoist being his personal satisfaction, nothing prevents him from doing what he wants to satisfy his desires, the other being only an object to use to shine in society. These are also personalities who often find themselves alone, with a very closed circle of knowledge, the latter little inclined to continue to attend them once their game unveiled.
To be beside someone selfish, feet?
Whether your spouse, close friend or colleague turns out to be someone who is particularly egotistical, it’s up to you to decide whether it’s profitable for you to continue to attend it or not. More difficult when it comes to a loved one, should we accept people with this sometimes heavy defect or choose to retreat to protect themselves from their unhealthy influence? In everyday life, having to endure the actions of a selfish is a feat as he (she) manages to make you see all the colors. Lack of attention, giving pleasure first, distant when sharing feelings … This is even more difficult to grasp than a selfish individual most often seeks to escape situations of conflict so as not to be confronted with the reality of his character. Refusing to be out of bounds, the egoist systematically avoids uncomfortable conversations and it is a crucial point to work if you wish to better live this situation.
8 Ways to Identify Selfish people
It has been a long time since I wanted to write an article about what drives our society to its loss, selfishness.
Today, I want to share an article on the signs that allow you to identify selfish people.
This article will, I am sure, be approved by some of my ex and people (who have been part of my entourage). Just saying!
The trouble with these people is that it’s hard to identify them on the first try unless you’re a great poker player and clairvoyant. And the bad news is that selfish people, there are as many in the world as fans of Justin Bieber.
The good news is that the world is not just populated by this kind of fanatics and that there are plenty of other honest people, positively oriented toward others, caring, and with good intentions.
And the other good news is that it is possible for you to avoid these selfish people by being sensitive to certain signals and clues that will allow you to find them before even broiling you in a friendly or sentimental relationship with them.
1. Contradiction and sarcasm spoil your conversations:
The sarcastic spirit, derogatory comments and the constant need to humor at crucial moments are often the signals of a lack of empathy or a need to prove their superiority. These people never see the harm in what they say or do. On the other hand if one day you adopt a behavior similar to this person and that you send it back to itself, it will leave its hinges like a scum of city to which one would have treated the mother.
2. The need to always be right:
Whatever the subject, be it poverty in the world or SnoopDogg’s latest album, selfish people leave no room for divergent opinions and always turn discussions into a fight of verbal challenge or it must always be won. Tired!
3. They are collectors of dramas:
A small moment of amalgamation, most selfish people like the toxic ones, attract or feel the need to live moments of crisis or conflict on the pretext of spicing up their life or fleeing routine. Most of the time they have dirty pans that they drag behind them and they will not clean, while a good shot of “pec lemon” would do them the greatest good.
4. These are “serial social”:
What is a “serial social“? It is a person who exaggerates his relationships and feelings to confirm his relationship with others and in my opinion, also flatter his ego. For example, you have already met these people who are your best friends in a few minutes. These people make a positive connection with you to the point of becoming your best friend or a passionate romance.
5. Their life is the norm:
These people are too inclined to use their own life experience as an example that everyone should follow. Everyone should live by their standards, think like them and be like them. They have trouble distinguishing situations in individual circumstances and will judge your actions based on the similarities of past events in their lives. It saves the brain!
6. The truth is elsewhere:
Most selfish people are potential flute players. The lie is for them an Olympic discipline, if their happiness depends on a lie, they will not hesitate to Lie. Others will hide the truth or keep it for themselves. For example, if you ask them questions, it is likely that you get evasive or contradictory answers.
7. Courtesy and lack of tact is not their forte:
I was talking to you earlier about the lack of empathy. Well, you just have to have a debate with these people to tell you about the range of uncomfortable remarks and the brutality of their subject or the valves even when it is (according to them) to laugh and if you get angry you will pass for a person likely or who has no sense of humor. The world upside down!
8. You are under control:
If you end up with pressure on yourself, do not dare to act or think without being afraid to take a cleat and feel you have to play the role of someone another one … run away !!!
9. They are victims:
They will make you look like the persecutor and for their part, they will pretend to be victims, be careful never to enter this kind of situation because all the problems are the fault of the little friend not conciliatory, bad boss, mailbox and squirrel living in the opposite tree. As soon as they have the opportunity to flee responsibility for their actions/thoughts or their lives, they will do it, so if there is one thing you can do as they do … it’s running away!
So, run away, poor fools!
Why can people never get rid of their selfishness?
Are you tired of the selfishness of people in their relationship with you? Do you hate to see someone focused on their desires and forget yours? This situation is not unique and most people are so.
But if you do nothing new and you react by learned habit, then you increase the indifference of the other towards you and as a result, more and more conflicts and division in the relationship.
Fortunately, there is a natural method that brings more awareness to others and thus increases their point of view to be more interested in you.
1. Observe your benefits of being considered
Imagine that your child shares his toys with other children, are you not proud of him and you too? When your wife or man asks for your opinion about a decision to make, do you have a sense of importance in you not to have been forgotten?
At work, when one of your colleagues is interested in your problems or your boss asks you for your opinion, are not you happy to be considered? When a neighbor comes to you to discuss a topic that might involve you, do you not find his intelligent approach to maintaining harmonious relationships?
And now, can you observe if you are aware of each other in your relationships or you only observe each other in order to know, if he could get you something?
2. What is the usual reaction learned?
No doubt, the usual way we have in front of a person who only seeks his personal interests is to accuse him, criticize him, judge him, and above all, treat him as selfish.
This only produces conflicts and wars in our relationships. Just observe how you feel when someone accuses you, judges you, criticizes you and calls you selfish to understand the full extent of this situation.
And please, do not tell me it’s constructive criticism so you can justify your selfish ends.
In fact, this person is according to you, someone selfish, because it must satisfy your desires first and never be good, forget about a relationship in order to oblige oneself to please others and so live under the approval or fear of others.
But what is the problem of wanting to fulfill one’s own desires? What harm is it to have a personal initiative to do good?
Is your intention to create nothing, to bring nothing, to offer nothing, to do nothing to fulfill your desires? If so, then I understand your intention to want the other to do something for you against his will, against his freedom!
How can you feel the joy in you of choosing to create something for yourself and to live this success?
Is egoism rather an unconsciousness of oneself and the other?
You see, it is this mistake that we all make because we have been educated by our predecessors to do something for them. During our childhood, they have conditioned our minds by means of obedience, fear, and guilt, and we believe in all unconsciousness, that love is giving to the other.
Therefore, we have expectations of each other that our happiness depends on him and so have the unconscious intent, to manipulate him to get our desires. And the first reaction learned is to treat the other selfish to make him feel guilty and thus achieve our ends.
This is not loving, but a counterfeit version to manipulate it, to control it in order to obtain our selfish desires in all unconsciousness.
When we control someone, we get what we want, but when we release someone, he gets what he wants.
We have never learned that freedom of choice is what allows the other not to feel obligated, but to have an opportunity to do good, without forgetting his own happiness.
How to make others aware of your unfulfilled desires?
It is not by blaming, accusing, ordering, qualifying, or criticizing, that you are going to get there.
If you want the other person to know your desires, it would be wise to inform him in a clear way and without obligation. And leave him free to choose whether to do it or not. It’s his human nature to love unconditionally and it’s yours too.
Instead of telling others to do something, why not just express yourself with what you would like and let the other person do it.
For example: “I would like to go out to the cinema with you next Saturday, but there is no obligation on your part, it’s just an opportunity”.
It suffices to say it once and not several because it could be perceived as harassment or pressure without freedom.
On the other hand, the most rewarding way of fulfilling our desires is not by using others, but by offering others what we want for ourselves. You increase the consciousness of the other towards you when you are first towards him.
What are your feelings that resonate the most with what is written? Leave me your comments to better listen to your concerns.
How to handle selfish people: 11 Effective ways to deal with selfish people
We are all selfish to a certain extent, but problems begin to emerge only when they reach a high level of egocentrism that borders on narcissism.
If you have a family member, romantic partner or colleague who makes you feel invisible because they rarely pay attention to your needs, know that you are not alone.
Here are 11 Effective ways to deal with selfish people:
1. Know and understand them
These people do not necessarily realize this disturbing trait. Because of this, it is best to take the time to understand them. Not necessarily to excuse them, but rather to accept that there can always be difficult people.
You will meet anytime and anywhere. The most important thing is to know how to manage them and for that you need to know and understand them. Selfish people are interested in their own interests. They hate compromise and are hypersensitive to personal affronts.
Everything will be easier for you if you want to understand the situation and the person concerned in order to react better later: “Why are you doing this?”
2. Try to understand what triggers their selfish behavior.
Psychotherapist F. Diane Barth emphasizes the idea that understanding does not mean letting someone get off the hook. But learning what motivates someone to be selfish and detecting trends can help you be less dismissive of his behavior. As humans, it’s an instinct to be selfish. Children, for example, are naturally selfish because learning to understand the feelings and needs of others is taught to them as they age. The elderly and people with diseases are also selfish because it is a means of survival. When you learn what motivates someone else’s selfishness, then you can understand why it’s sometimes essential.
3. Try not to take their selfish actions personally. Instead, stay true to yourself.
It’s easy to end up in someone else’s accusations. If someone makes you uncomfortable for not paying enough attention to them, know that you do not need to lower yourself to his level, or take his words or actions personally. It is not your job to continually serve someone at their own time and convenience. Being around an egocentric person can be overwhelming and exhausting as you may experience bursts of anger, frustration or sadness. Know that you are always in control and that you do not have to be reactive towards their selfishness. Instead, focus on reducing the pressure you feel through your favorite hobbies or fun events.
4. Do like them to face the truth
You know, some people are like children … When a child makes a whim, and you mimic it struggling and screaming, it stops. Why? Because he feels ridiculous!
It is the same for selfish people. Act like them. Focus only on yourself, play on the exaggeration and once the blame falls, put the face to the facts: “I did exactly the same thing as you, you took it very badly and it is exactly what you do each time. So how do you think I’ll take it?
5. Introduce topics that interest you during conversations.
If you feel uncomfortable by always listening to someone speak for themselves, you can intervene in a non-combative way. Whether you like art, music or philosophy, you can change the subject in the middle of a conversation by asking a simple question, for example: “Hey, did you hear about * insert the desired topic?” Or a statement like “Yesterday evening, I came across * insert the desired subject. * “Initially, this may seem abrupt and even random, but it gives the person a clue that you have spent too much time on their stories. If you find that the individual continues to try to come back to his own subject, you can politely remind them that you have already heard of it. This will prevent you from giving in their ways of seeking attention.
6. Familiarize yourself with misconceptions about selfishness.
There are many misconceptions about selfishness. For example, according to Barth, it is common in our culture to believe that having children is an altruistic act and that not having children is selfish. But people can have children for selfish reasons, such as a way to be loved, to bond more closely with a spouse or to fulfill a parent’s wish. That is why it is crucial to look carefully at the circumstances and re-evaluate what is considered selfish or altruistic. People may be selfish without knowing it, making it all the more important to help them see their actions in a broader perspective.
7. Stay polite and courteous
You must minimize your reactions. Be able to demonstrate good behavior and good self-control. By giving way to your anger and uncontrolled behavior, you give the other the opportunity to take over and manage the situation for you.
A selfish person is self-centered without worrying about your feelings or your reaction to the situation. So annoying will be useless and will have no use in the progress of the situation. Do not forget your values, your principles, or your good behavior.
8. Limit the time you spend together and spend time with people who support you.
Space always helps. When you limit the time you spend with a selfish person, you can get more freedom to take care of your own happiness and be what you are instead of letting yourself be cared for to meet their needs. It’s more accessible than shutting them down completely, especially if the selfish individual is a family member or coworker whom you cannot easily avoid. When you set healthy boundaries, you remind them that the world does not revolve around them. It also gives you the opportunity to spend more time with friends and family members who help you grow and evolve. In turn, this will prevent you from being required to fulfill someone else’s responsibilities.
9. Learn the difference between healthy selfishness and toxic egoism.
When you are constantly dealing with a selfish person, you often have guilt to put yourself first. Remember, you do not do anything wrong; Taking care of yourself is a right you have. But selfish, toxic people can manipulate you by thinking differently. This is why it is essential to practice self-love. We all need a good degree of egoism to maintain our mental health and well-being. When you recognize the toxic patterns of selfishness, you can escape by choosing not to give it. Treat yourself from time to time and fulfill your own desires and needs. You are important too.
10. Increase your tolerance
You do not control people, let alone control their behavior. Know how to challenge irrational thoughts that may cause you to feel stressed, angry or lose your ways.
Challenge all the unhealthy and unpleasant thoughts you have against that person. In fact, you can still support it. Show resistance and strength: Everyone has flaws, so focus on yourself and your flaws. And you say that you too have bad sides. So do this work on yourself and know how to tolerate what you would like to be tolerated at home.
11. Take a break
Breathe, gather your minds and ask yourself a few minutes before entering the conflict. Do not respond in anger and do not act on a whim.
Rest and move away from what bothers you so as not to neglect your moments of respite. You will absolutely need to leave yourself a space free from any influence or harmful people, which could then take place within your entire mind.